A TRAGIC END?

Lightening cracked and thunder boomed a moment later. The storm was close. Zander gazed into the mirror, and for a moment he could almost swear he saw his brother's face staring back at him. He blinked a few times and his vision cleared. The memories of his brother's death on that fateful hunting trip were haunting him again. No matter that his father had finally told him he wasn't to blame. He still felt guilty. Maybe it was because he didn't realize how seriously depressed his brother was and couldn't help him. Maybe it was just because he was alive and Pete wasn't. His father's deception, whether good-intentioned or not, had left Zander feeling betrayed. So why now, after all these months, was he dwelling on it? He and his father had started to work on their relationship. They were actually civil these days and sometimes even friendly. Only now that Zander's marriage to Emily was ending, Cameron Lewis seemed to have no time for his youngest son. Maybe his father had just been putting up a good show for Emily's sake. Now it was business as usual. Zander was back to being the unwanted son. The other. The mistake.

It had been over a month since Zander had come home to find his wife in the arms of Nikolas Cassadine. It was a rude awakening to discover Emily's betrayal. She was the only person in his life he had ever trusted. She had been his entire world and it all came crashing down around him in one fateful evening. He had told her and her boyfriend to go to hell and then stormed off to find comfort in a bottle. His one night stand with Emily's best friend, Elizabeth, hadn't made him feel any better. They had simply used each other to escape from the pain of their similar heartbreak. It had felt good to be wanted again, even if it was just for a little while. In the end, he had felt worse than before. His meltdown on the docks had happened that night. The next day he had started working for Faith Roscoe, possibly the biggest mistake of his life. It had been her desire to get revenge on Nikolas Cassadine that made the job so appealing. As much as he had tried to get away from mob life, he knew he wasn't cut out for much else.

Zander ran his hand through his hair and studied his facial features. The cuts and bruises were long gone. He silently berated himself for botching his first big assignment. All he had to do was set the bomb on the deserted Cassadine ship and get out. He hadn't counted on Nikolas giving Emily a tour of the ship that night. His lame attempt at rescuing them had earned him a trip to the ER, where he found out they had gotten off the ship just in time. Emily's mother, Dr. Monica Quartermaine, had even thanked him for trying to save her daughter, when it was obvious she believed he had set the bomb in the first place. She knew him so well. Too bad she hadn't tried to get to know him three years ago, when Emily loved him.

"Why did you stop loving me, Em?" Zander sighed and gazed at the photo that was still taped to the mirror after all these years. Prom night. He and Emily smiled brightly for the camera. It had been the happiest night of his life, the night he and Emily had first made love. It seemed like another lifetime. Now he was back to being the guy he was before Emily loved him. The guy who didn't give a damn. The only problem was he now knew what it felt like to be loved. Whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all was a frickin' idiot! Zander wished he had never found love. Life would be so much easier.

He walked slowly out of the bathroom and took a swig from the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels that he kept by his bed. Staring out his grimy window, in between the ratty verticle blinds, he watched the snow start to fall. The red glow of Jake's neon sign gave it an eerie, almost magical appearance. He took another drink and thought about Faith. He had been out of the hospital for a few weeks and back working with her. She had been getting on his case more often about his alcohol intake. He had just shrugged her off every time and asked her where she wanted to get it on. He had been nothing more that a glorified gigolo to her. And now that's all he was. He felt the bile rise into his throat and fought to push it back down. He lifted the bottle to his lips and chugged down a quarter of the contents. "Nature's remedy for what ails you," he declared loudly and then erupted in a fit of hollow laughter. A knock at the door stopped him cold. He never had any visitors anymore. The only person who gave him the time of day was Faith and she always called him over to her place. He felt a wave of paranoia wash over him. "Who is it?" he called out.

"It's Elizabeth," came a quiet muffled voice. He was saved! He finally felt like he had a friend. He had almost forgotten about Elizabeth. He hadn't seen her since his stay in the hospital. He figured she didn't want anything to do with him, realizing that he was the one who set the bomb that nearly killed her best friends. Maybe she forgave him. Maybe she knew the hell he was drowning in and wanted to pull him out. He opened the door and smiled brightly, wavering slightly on his feet.

"Hey, Elizabeth. Long time no see. What's up?"

"Hi, Zander. I need to talk to you. It's important."

Her serious tone had Zander a bit worried. It didn't sound like she was there to wish him a Merry Christmas. Maybe she just wanted him to ask Faith to spare Jason's life because she was still carrying a torch for the jerk. Or maybe she was gonna tell him that Emily and Nikolas were getting married... not that he cared. Nik could have her. Emily deserved a prince anyway. He was a fool to think he could be anything more than what he was--a perpetual screwup.

"Can I come in?"

Zander stepped aside. "So what's so important that has you slumming tonight? Did you and Ric have another fight? You wanna get even again?" He chuckled for a moment until he noticed her frown.

"No. Actually, Ric and I are doing really well. It's surprising after the news I gave him tonight."

"What news is that?"

"I'm pregnant, Zander."

"That's great, Elizabeth. Congratulations. I'm sure you and Ric will be perfect parents."

"That's just it, Zander. It's not Ric's baby... It's yours. You're going to be a father, Zander. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was worried about what you were doing to your life..."

Zander stared at Elizabeth with his mouth agape. He knew she was speaking. He could see her lips moving, but all he could hear was "You're going to be a father, Zander." The words reverberated around in his head like a bad case of tinnitus.

She stopped talking and Zander tried to speak. So many thoughts raced through his mind, but the one that hit him hardest was "Why does she even want this baby?" She was back with Ric and they wanted to have a baby of their own. Then he wondered why she was telling him about it. Why did she tell Ric? It would have made more sense to pretend the baby was Ric's. He and Ric both had similar features. Nobody would have been the wiser. Zander had always known that his life was pointless, no matter how he tried to live some fantasy with Emily. It was just prolonging the inevitable. Now Elizabeth was going to have his baby, which was part of that fantasy. Only his child would be a part of someone else's life, not his.

"Zander, did you hear what I said?"

"Uh, yeah," he lied.

"Don't you have any response?"

Zander felt calm. "Yeah. Would you do me a favor? If it's a boy, would you name him Peter?"

Elizabeth was confused. "Umm, I guess..."

"It doesn't have to be his first name or anything, but that would be really cool."

She noticed Zander had a far away look in his eyes and was a little concerned. He took the news a lot better than she expected. She thought he would be angry or at least ask her why she didn't terminate the pregnancy. Maybe he was just being a good friend. He always was, never judging her or commenting on her past mistakes.

"Okay, so you'll think about what I said, right?"

Zander nodded and Elizabeth walked out the door. She stopped to take one last look at him, noticing he hadn't moved and was still staring into space. A chill ran down her spine.

***

Elizabeth sat down at a table in Kelly's courtyard. The snow had stopped falling and she enjoyed the cold weather. She was lost in thought when Emily came out of the diner.

"Liz, how are you feeling?"

Elizabeth's head snapped up. "Hey, Em. I'm fine. Everything is going well, believe it or not. Rick and I are back together and he's planning a Christmas feast next week. We would love it if you and Nikolas could be there."

"That sounds great. I love the holiday season. Everything is so bright and cheerful." She smiled and twirled around laughing. She noticed Elizabeth wasn't as giddy as she was. "What's wrong?"

"I just spoke to Zander."

"About the baby?"

"Yeah. He took it pretty well, actually, which is what concerned me. I even told him that Ric and I were going to raise the baby, but would like him to be a part of the child's life."

"What did he say?"

"It was really spooky. Maybe he was drunk. I did notice a bottle of alcohol by his bed. He stared off into space for a minute and then asked me to name the baby Peter, if it's a boy."

Emily eyes welled up and she covered her mouth to stifle a gasp.

"What is it, Em?"

"He wanted to name his son Peter?"

"Yeah, he didn't say much of anything else and when I walked out he was sort of stuck in the same spot. I guess he just needed some time to process the news. Ya know, he did mention the name Pete to me that time we were locked in the crypt, but when I asked him about it he got all weird and changed the subject."

"I know who Pete is... or was." Her voice trailed off.

"You do?"

"Pete was Zander's older brother."

"Why wouldn't he tell me that? What's the big deal?"

"For the last five years, up until this summer, Zander thought he had killed Pete in a hunting accident."

"Oh my god," Elizabeth gasped.

"It gets worse. It turned out to be a suicide, but Zander's father let him believe the worst of himself."

"Em, I have a really bad feeling. I felt it when I left Zander's room, but now it's much worse."

"I know what you mean. Let's get over there quick!"

***

Zander pulled the gun from his dresser drawer. It was new, another gift from Faith, but he refused to carry it. He didn't want to hurt anybody. He sat down on the bed and made sure the gun was loaded, took off the safety and then swigged down what was left of the JD. He set the gun down for a moment to jot down a quick note.

Dear Elizabeth--

Please don't tell Peter. My son doesn't need to know how messed up his father was. I wish you a wonderful life with your family. You deserve it.

--Z

Zander lay back on the bed and stared up at the water-stained ceiling. He held the gun to his temple and squeezed the trigger slowly, just like his father had taught him all those years ago. Cameron Lewis would be so proud. His son was finally accomplishing something he set out to do. "I'm aiming higher, dad. Just like you always said." He closed his eyes and chuckled softly.

***

As soon as Emily and Elizabeth entered Jake's bar, they heard the gunshot. They ran up the creaky wooden stairs screaming Zander's name. They tried the door but it was locked. All their screaming and pounding brought the owner running. "What's goin' on?" Coleman shouted. "Was that a gunshot?"

"Please get the door open," Emily cried. "I think it was Zander."

Elizabeth stood by silently. Tears ran down her face as she watched Coleman kick in the door. The expression on his face broke her. "Jesus!" he exclaimed. He quickly caught Elizabeth as she collapsed against him. Emily stood frozen in the doorway. Her eyes were wide and a strangled cry escaped her. Blood was spattered everywhere and Zander's lifeless body lay on the bed, one arm hanging over the side with the gun on the floor below his hand. With trembling hands she picked up the phone dialed 911 and asked for an ambulance. She looked down and saw the note on the desk. She picked it up and crumpled it in her fist. "Damn you," she whimpered. "DAMN YOU!" she kept screaming over and over until...

Zander bolted upright in bed, drenched with sweat. His heart was racing and he could barely control his breathing. He was alone. He glanced over at the bottle of Jack Daniels and then threw it across the room to smash against the wall. He must have passed out. The gun was still in his hand and the note was still on the desk. He ripped up the note and threw it in the trash. Then he unloaded the gun and put it back in the drawer. He knew he couldn't go on like this. He wasn't going to blow this second chance. He had to tell Faith to find another boy toy. He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He glanced in the mirror and again saw his brother staring back at him. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Pete. I'm so sorry. I won't ever do that again. I swear." He looked up and saw his own reflection. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, shivering slightly at a sudden chill.

There was a frantic knock at the door and then he heard Emily and Elizabeth calling his name. He opened it up and Emily threw herself into his arms. "I was so scared. I was so scared." Was it just a dream or had time reversed itself? It was all so surreal.

"Me, too!" Elizabeth came in and joined the group hug. "You had me really worried earlier. Emily filled me in on your brother."

"I'm okay now," Zander said slowly and then smiled. "Really." He looked into Emily's eyes and could swear he saw love there.

"I was so wrong Zander," she sobbed. "The thought of losing you tonight made me realize what a fool I've been. Please give me another chance. I don't want to be without you ever again. I love you so much."

Zander stared at her in confusion. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he thought he heard Emily say she loved him. All he could say was "What about the prince?"

Emily smiled sadly up at Zander. "It wasn't the same. I only thought I was in love with him. I realize now that it was just some girlish fantasy. When I ran over here tonight, I wasn't giving him a second thought. All I kept thinking was that I might never see you again. The feelings were so strong and I realized they don't even compare to what I felt for Nikolas."

"So, are you two gonna get back together?" Elizabeth was standing off to the side enjoying the happy reunion. As much as she cared about Nikolas and wanted him to be happy, she knew Emily belonged with Zander and he belonged with her.

Zander was stunned. "I don't know what to say. I don't wanna get burned again, baby." He ran his fingers through Emily's hair, making sure that she was real.

"I know... and I'm so sorry for what I did. Looking back it was like I was another person. I didn't even recognize myself. Please forgive me. Please say we still have a chance."

"I want that," he said. "I really do." He held her tight and felt the warmth between them permeate his entire being. Things were starting to feel right again.

"So, I hope you two can make it over for Christmas dinner next week." Zander and Emily glanced over at Elizabeth and nodded. "Zander, we can talk more about the baby then. I really want your child to know you. You're a good person, Zander."

"Wait. I don't get it. Why does Ric want me around as a constant reminder that you had another man's baby?"

"The past few months have really changed him. He's become a lot more compassionate. And he has firsthand experience and knows what the opposite can do to a child. His own father and stepmother shunned him because he was the product of an affair. He was never allowed to know his real mother and grew up believing she didn't want him. He doesn't wish that pain on any child."

Zander nodded. "I really do want to be a part of my child's life. Thank you."

"I love you, Zander," Elizabeth said. "You're a great friend. Don't ever forget that." She hugged him and then left him and Emily alone to catch up.

Zander looked down at Emily. "So, you're being pretty understanding about all this."

"Zander, I have no right to say anything about it after the way I treated you. I love you both and I will love your child because it's a part of you. However, I would like us to have one of our own someday, but maybe we could get some practice in right now." She pulled Zander into a tender kiss and then led him to the bed.

***

Peter Lewis's spirit watched from above and smiled. He returned to Heaven knowing his brother would be all right from now on. He had definitely earned his wings tonight.


The End.


Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed the story, please leave me some FEEDBACK.