RETURNING HOME - Chapter 01

"I can't wait to bring Emily home!" Monica admitted as she and Alan walked down the hall toward Emily's room at the clinic. A young doctor was exiting as they approached. He looked rather uncertain as he greeted them and opened up the door, so they could see their daughter.

They were shocked by what they saw. Emily lay curled on her side unmoving, her face turned to the wall, silently staring at nothing in particular. It had been several weeks since the last time they had visited her, but she seemed fine then. Maybe a little exhausted from her workouts, but her spirits appeared to be high. This pale, overly thin, frail girl was only a shell of her former self. "I don't understand," Alan stared at Emily and then back at the doctor. "She was doing so well last time we were here."

The doctor shook his head. "She had been suffering from depression, but did a fairly good job of hiding it from all of us, I've been told. I only just started on this case, but apparently her depression has gotten much worse in the last few weeks, ," Dr. Jensen told Monica and Alan. "I really don't think it's helping her being here away from her family and friends. She needs to be surrounded by the people who love her."

"Emily?" Monica moved over to sit by her daughter's side, tenderly brushing the hair from her face. Emily didn't respond right away. She took her time focusing on her mother's voice and bringing herself back to reality. She turned to look at Monica and tried to smile for her, but it had been getting more difficult to smile as time went on and Zander retreated further out of her life. Little by little she had felt their connection slipping away, taking her strength along with it. She never thought she would be so dependant on another human being, but maybe her actions were the culprit. The longer she went without Zander in her life, the more guilt she felt over pushing him away.

"Why did I do it, Mom?" Monica looked puzzled. "It shouldn't have happened! It was all my fault! I was wrong and now I've lost him forever!" Emily began sobbing and Alan moved to the other side of the bed, pulling Emily into his arms. "There, there," he crooned, rocking his little girl like he did when she was younger, wanting to take away all her pain. "It's gonna be alright." Emily quieted and calmed a little, but remained silent as her parents helped her get ready to return home.

***

"Surprise!!!" everyone shouted as Monica and Alan wheeled Emily into the living room. Emily was visibly shaken, but managed a bright smile upon seeing her friends and family gathered together to welcome her home. "Thank you," she said quietly as her eyes scanned the room for the one person she was hoping to see, but knowing in her heart that he wouldn't be there. He will never be there again. She had destroyed their relationship and their trust. It was stupid to even expect him to be here. She decided to go back to her old ways of protecting everybody else, in order to take her mind off of her own problems, focusing on enjoying the party. After about an hour of greeting and talking and pretending to have a good time, Emily quietly wheeled herself through the french doors and onto the patio, needing some air.

Elizabeth watched her friend and felt bad for her. She knew what it was like to put on an act for the rest of the world, while secretly you're dying on the inside. She could see it in Emily. She needed to do something now before Emily slipped further and further away from herself. Making her excuses, Elizabeth left the party in search of the one person she hoped could get through to her friend.

***


Emily sat alone on the patio, staring into space, thinking about every mistake she had ever made in her life. Her drug abuse, lying to her family, keeping secrets, pushing Zander away...

Emily pounded on her legs and buried her face in her hands to release her pent up tears. As she sat there quietly sobbing, a gentle hand touched her shoulder. Emily gasped and snapped her head up to stare into the most beautiful, gentle face she had ever seen.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Zander began, kneeling down to her level. For what seemed like minutes, they stared into each other's eyes, so caught up in each of their own emotions. Emily, feeling guilt and shame, but longing for Zander's forgiveness and love. Zander, feeling disbelief and fear of losing her again, but longing for Emily's forgiveness and love. Finally they both spoke at the same time...

"Emily..."
"Zander.."

"You go first."
"You go first."

They both laughed nervously, starting to feel a little more at ease with each other.

"God, I never thought I would get to hear that again!" Zander breathed.

"What?"

"Your laughter..." Zander hesitantly touched her lips, moving his hand along her cheek and into her hair, to feel its silky softness. Even though he could see in her face how weak she'd become, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him.

Emily almost started crying again at the feel of Zander's touch. It had been so long and she had needed it so badly, more than she realized. It was overwhelming. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his palm.


"Emily? What are you doing out here all by yourself?" Emily's eyes snapped open at the sound of her mother's voice, pulling herself back from her daydream with a longing sigh. Monica walked over to her daughter and pulled up a patio chair to face her.

"Mom, hi. I just needed some air. It's really great to see everybody, but I was getting a little claustrophobic in there."

"Well, it is getting a little late. I'm sure you'd like to go to your room and lie down. I'll have Reginald bring up some dinner later on, if you like."

"That sounds good, Mom. Thanks." Emily smiled and said goodnight, as Monica watched her go back into the house. She hoped that Emily would be able to get through her depression. She seemed to be happier, but she could never tell what was really going on with her.

"Did she say anything to you about what's going on with her, emotionally?" Alan asked as he came outside. With Monica's negative response, he admitted his concerns, "I think Emily's hiding something. It seems too convenient that all of a sudden she's happy and laughing and talking to everybody, when just a few short hours ago she was listless and staring into space."

"Actually, that's how I found her just know."

"We need to get her some help..."

"Alan, what good is that going to do if she won't even let the doctors know what she's going through? I just wish she would talk to me. I feel so helpless!"

"I suppose all we can do is be there for her when she's ready to talk."

***

Elizabeth took a deep breath and knocked. She hoped she was doing the right thing. Emily had sworn her to secrecy, but she couldn't let this go on any longer. Emily needed help, but she was keeping all of her emotions hidden away. She wouldn't even talk about it the last time they had spoken. Emily had simply pretended that everything was fine and acted as if it had never happened.

The door opened, bringing Elizabeth back from her thoughts. "Elizabeth? What are you doing here?"

"Zander, we need to talk. It's about Emily..."


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