REMEMBERING

"Zander, I'd like to try something different today, if you're up for it," Dr. Baldwin said questioningly.

"What's that?" Zander asked. He was ready for anything. Each session had been different than the last, getting him to open up about everything from his overdose to his childhood to his relationship with Emily.

"How do you fee about hypnosis."

Zander laughed. "What? You wanna make me act like a duck or something? I don't think so."

Gail chuckled. "No, no. It's just something to help you remember all the events of that day. There is a reason that you keep having recurring nightmares about it..."

"Yeah, it's because I'm being reminded of what a loser I am." Zander's voice went cold.

***

From the observation window, Cameron winced at his son's remark. He knew that he had a lot to do with how Zander perceived himself. He vowed to make up for that. Even if he had to fight his son kicking and screaming every step of the way, he would make him believe in himself again.

***

Gail looked at her young patient with compassion. "Zander, you're not a loser. I think your mind is trying to tell you something and you're repressing it. There is something you don't want to remember."

"Like I want to remember shooting my brother?"

"Maybe something else happened that made you block it out. Can we at least give it a try and see if you remember anything else?"

Zander felt uneasy, but something inside of him wanted to know if there was something else that happened that day. He agreed.

***

"Now Zander, I want you to go back to the morning of the hunting trip. Where are you?"

"We're packing up the car. Dad tells me to go in and get the food that mom packed for us. When I come back, he and Pete are arguing. They see me and stop talking. I don't know what it was about, but now they're acting like nothing happened. Pete smiles and tells me that we're gonna have a great time. I didn't even want to go, but I miss Pete since he's been away at college. I also hope that maybe Dad will want to do more stuff together in the future."

"Okay, Zander, let's skip ahead to the actual hunting trip."

"We're walking through the trees. Dad made sure we wore our vests because of all the hunters in the woods. Pete and I are goofing around and Dad tells us to knock it off. He goes ahead to find something that he and Pete left there the year before. We start talking about school and Pete gets all distant for a moment. Then he looks up and tells me he sees something through the bushes. He says it's a deer and tells me how proud Dad would be if I made the first kill. He tells me to get ready. I'm watching and waiting, but I don't see anything. Suddenly there's some movement and I shoot. I hear a thump and I turn to tell Pete that I think I hit it. Pete? Where did he go? He was right behind me! I rush over to the bushes and I can't believe what I'm seeing. This can't be happening. I must be dreaming." Zander's voice becomes panicked. "It's Pete! I shot Pete! But he was behind me! How did he get there? He told me to get ready to shoot the deer! Why would he go over there knowing that I was getting ready to shoot? Why would he do that?" Zander starts to cry and Gail decides that they found what they were looking for.

"Zander, I want you to stop now. I'm going to count back from ten and you will awaken, feeling calm and refreshed, and you will remember everything you just told me."

Zander looked up at Gail. "Why would he do that?"

"I think you know why," Gail replied. "I'm going to bring in your father, so we can discuss this further." She got up and opened the door. "Cameron?"

Zander started to tense up, but felt his walls crumble when he saw the tears running down his father's face. He was confused when his father knelt down in front of him and put his hands on his shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I let my grief take me over and I wasn't there for you. Please forgive me."

"I thought you hated me."

Cameron shook his head. "I hated myself. I knew that I was to blame for all of it. Then when I found you again I knew that you were in the same boat I was after the accident... after I found out what really happened."

"What do you mean after you found out..."

"I found Peter's journal. He mentioned several times how he planned to end it all. The last entry mentioned the hunting trip and how he would get me to invite you. He was sorry for using you like that, but he thought making it look like an accident would be better for everybody. He actually thought that you and I might bond over this." Cameron laughed, before his body began to shake with sobs. Zander just sat there in disbelief. "But you told me I killed him. You said I was to blame. Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

Cameron pulled his thoughts together, trying to make some sense of what he was trying to do. "I knew that you wouldn't listen to me. You were so defensive. Anything I said would've been taken the wrong way so I went the other route. I wanted you to fight back. I wanted you to get angry at me. Maybe I felt like I deserved it anyway."

Zander looked at his dad, almost as if seeing him for the first time. He was human just like him. And he wanted his forgiveness. Suddenly he felt as if a huge weight was being lifted from his shoulders. "I forgive you, Dad." Cameron pulled his son into a warm embrace. "Thank you, son. Thank you. Thank you."

They knew they had a lot of other issues to work through, but this first step was enough to get them on the road to repairing their broken relationship.


The End.


Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed the story, please leave me some FEEDBACK.