ATTEMPTED - Chapter 02

Alexis had practically run all the way to the hospital from Kelly's when she got the call that Zander had been admitted to the ICU. Cameron's tired voice asking her to "please get here as soon as you can" had put her into a panic. She turned down the hall and froze. "Cameron?" she whimpered. He was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. He glanced up at the sound of her voice.

Cameron struggled to get up from his spot slumped against the wall outside of Zander's room. Alexis flew into his arms and held on for dear life. She looked up into his eyes and could see that he had been crying. "What happened? How is he?"

"Well, he's alive... barely." Cameron took a deep shaky breath and tried not to break down again. "Alexander tried to kill himself by slashing his wrists... but Emily found him and called an ambulance just in time."

Alexis was speechless. She knew Zander had been troubled, but she never thought he would consider suicide. She knew that Cameron already felt responsible for the death of his older son... and if Zander didn't make it... she didn't even want to consider the possibility. "Please don't beat yourself up over this, Cameron."

"Too late," he laughed sadly. "But the psychiatrist in me is battling with the father in me and they're pretty even right now. I realize that depression is an illness and not a symptom of bad parenting. I just wish that I had done so many things differently."

Alexis nodded. "We all do. C'mon, let's go back in and keep him company for awhile."

***

Zander was drowning in darkness, but a small point of light was guiding him to the surface. As he got closer he could feel his entire body start to ache. He was freezing and tired and felt like just giving up, but something kept pushing him forward. It was almost as if his brother, Peter, was behind him rooting him on like he had done his entire life. It was nice to have at least one person in his corner. But Peter was dead and Zander was alone. He was about to stop fighting when he heard his brother's words "Don't give up, Alexander. I'm always with you." With that, Zander broke the surface.

The light was blinding as he opened his eyes so he squeezed them shut again and groaned. When he tried again more slowly, he could see a small window come into focus. It was very familiar and then it hit him. "Okay, so I'm in the hospital," he thought to himself. "What the hell happened?" Zander looked over and saw his father asleep in a chair. He tried to lift his hand to take off his oxygen mask, but found himself strapped to the bed. "Deja vu..." And then he saw the bandages on his wrists and remembered the razor blade. "Aww man, I can't even get suicide right. What a total loser," Zander sobbed quietly.

Cameron awoke to the sound of his son crying. He was so relieved, but knew that this was only the beginning of a long road to recovery. He got up and went to the stool by his bed. "Alexander," he whispered as he touched his son's face.

Zander was too tired to think up an angry barb, so he simply stopped crying, so as not to appear weak to his father.

Cameron felt his heart constrict when his son looked up at him with such pain in his eyes. "Alexander, I'm so sorry for everything that has happened between us... before and after Peter's death. Just know that I will do everything in my power to prove that to you. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you."

Zander could swear that he heard sincerity in his father's voice. Maybe he was dead, after all, and this was just his own private version of heaven. He was only hearing what he wanted to hear. Yeah, that must be it.

Cameron watched as his son's features began to soften. His eyes closed and there was a hint of a smile on his face as he drifted back to sleep. Cameron wasn't a religious man, but in that moment he dropped to his knees and thanked God for sparing his son's life and giving him another chance to be a real father.


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